Why I Became a Birth Trauma Doula
What Birth Trauma Feels Like
I used to pretend that birth trauma didn’t exist—or at the very least, that it couldn’t happen to me.
I remember being 36 weeks pregnant, sitting in the car while my husband ran into the store to grab me some apple juice. I wasn’t feeling well, and I thought maybe my blood sugar was low. While I waited, I was listening to a birth podcast. When it ended, another one automatically started playing. This one was all about trauma—how common birth trauma is, and how people with past trauma are more likely to experience it in birth.
I remember thinking, That won’t be me.
After all, I was doing everything “right.” I was in a Hypnobabies course, practicing daily hypnosis, visualizing a smooth, positive birth. The message was clear: if you think the right thoughts, your body will follow. If you prepare well enough, you’ll have an easy, positive experience.
And I believed it.
I exercised, ate the dates, did the perineal massage, chose midwives, and picked a hospital known for supporting unmedicated birth. I thought I had covered all my bases.
But looking back, that mindset was actually harmful. When I did experience birth trauma, my first thought was, I must not have practiced hypnosis correctly. I blamed myself.
My Experience with Birth Trauma
During pregnancy, my history of sexual trauma started resurfacing. For many survivors, pregnancy can bring up old wounds, even when we thought we’d already healed. I was having panic attacks and symptoms I hadn’t experienced in years. It was so overwhelming that I remember praying, God, I already have this trauma to deal with—please don’t let me have birth trauma too. I don’t care how birth goes, just don’t let it traumatize me.
Of course, that’s not how it works. Birth trauma doesn’t care how well you prepared. It doesn’t care how many providers you interviewed, how many courses you took, or how “low-risk” you were. Trauma can come from so many places—obstetric violence, unexpected complications, a very long labor, a very short labor, not having access to pain relief, racism, microaggressions, rude or dismissive providers, or simply moments where your nervous system decides: I am not safe.
That’s what trauma is—our nervous system sounding the alarm, even long after the moment has passed.
And yet, when it happens, shame and guilt creep in. We think: What did I do wrong? The DSM-5 even lists misplaced guilt and shame as symptoms of PTSD. Our brains tell us it’s our fault because if we were responsible, then maybe we could prevent it next time. But trauma doesn’t work that way.
This is why community matters. The more we share, the less space shame and guilt have to grow. That’s why I started a support group for parents pregnant after experiencing a traumatic birth, and it’s also why I started this blog. Because none of us should feel alone in this.
Seeking Support During Pregnancy
Fast forward to my second pregnancy. I had done the therapy, the EMDR, the healing work. My symptoms were basically gone. But the moment I got pregnant again, everything came flooding back—panic, anxiety, even compulsive behaviors. I interviewed over twenty midwives, desperate to find someone I felt safe with. I took three different birth courses, two Hypnobirthing programs, practiced Spinning Babies, Body Ready Method exercises, as well as prenatal yoga and Pilates—everything I could think of to prevent complications.
And still, I struggled to enjoy pregnancy. I knew I needed support, but I couldn’t find much out there specifically for pregnancy after birth trauma. I tried Postpartum Support International’s online support group, which was wonderful, but my therapist cautioned me against diving too deep into triggering stories. And with that limitation, resources felt incredibly scarce. I researched doulas who specialized in birth trauma, and while I found two who specialized in general trauma, neither of them felt like the right fit (read what I ended up doing here).
Why I’m a Birth Trauma Doula
I ended up becoming a doula specifically to support parents navigating pregnancy after birth trauma, so that no one else had to go through that experience without support. Drawing on my own experience with birth trauma, as well as my background in mental health, I help families feel safe, informed, and supported throughout their pregnancy and birth. I provide grounding tools, techniques for managing perinatal anxiety, and practical strategies to help parents advocate for themselves. My goal is to create a space where couples can approach birth with confidence, knowing they have someone who understands both the emotional and physical challenges they may face.
Finding Community and Hope
Even if this blog is the only resource you ever connect with, I hope it gives you a sense of normalcy, peace, and hope. A reminder that while birth trauma is real and heavy, it doesn’t have to define the rest of your life.
That’s one reason I’m here, writing this. I can’t promise that this blog won’t trigger you—because I know from personal experience how even small details can be hard. But what I can promise is that this will be a space of honesty, compassion, and community. My hope is that it helps you feel a little less alone, a little more seen, and a little more supported as you navigate pregnancy and parenthood after birth trauma.